Coach Ziana, CBT

What is "Sadfishing?"

"Sadfishing" is a term used to describe those who adopt a victim mentality on Social Media platforms in order to elicit emotional responses. They will often exaggerate, fabricate, or regularly highlight personal hardships to garner sympathy, validation, or attention from their online network. This behavior is a form of manipulation where the person avoids accountability for their role in a situation while acting as if they are unfairly targeted.

The following are some (but not all of) the Common Signs of Social Media Victim Playing.

• Vaguebooking/Cryptic Messages: Posting vague updates about being distressed without giving details to prompt followers to ask "what's wrong?".

• Drama-Seeking/Over-sharing: Habitually sharing personal or dramatic stories to elicit emotional responses and sympathy.

• Crying Selfies/Distressed Photos/Distressed Videos: Sharing photos that depict them in a distressed state to get validation.

• Contradictory Behaviour: The mood swings seem perplexing to viewers as "Sadfishers" can alternate rapidly between intensely sorrowful posts to very upbeat or fun activities.

• Refusal to Accept Solutions: They prefer validation of their misery from their "followers" rather than seeking legitimate help to solve their problems.

• One-Up Behavior: "Sadfishers" often have a worse experience to report than anyone else, primarily to the remain as the focus of attention.

Why People Engage in This Behavior:

• Low Self-Esteem: A deep need for validation to feel important or valued.

• Need for Sympathy/Validation: The "reward" of attention, supportive comments, likes, and messages can become addictive to "Sadfishers."

• Avoidance of Accountability: By casting themselves as victims, they deflect blame for their actions and escape consequences.

• Manipulation: Using guilt or empathy to control the emotions and reactions of others.

• Underlying Mental Health Issues: This can stem from narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), or Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), which is characterized by a high need for attention and theatrical behaviour. However, to determine if this is a personality disorder, a professional consultation would be advisable. It's best not to assume a diagnosis based on anything you read online, as each individual is different. Please know that.

How to react to this Behaviour:

Sadfishing" can be emotionally draining and manipulative to online followers. While many of us want to help, it may be counter-productive to encourage such an individual to dive deeper into self-victimization. Therefore, it is often advised to set healthy boundaries, such as not engaging with every post or reacting to their crises.

Humans repeat behaviours from which they obtain "rewards." We all do it. We enjoy positive attention for our accomplishments. That is our "reward." That is "Positive Reinforcement."

Others learn somewhere along the way that playing victim will get them attention, rather like a child who has been given whatever he wants when he starts crying to get it. He will continue to cry for what he wants because he gets his own way. However, that is "Negative Reinforcement" of a non-productive, self-defeating habit.

IMPORTANT: While many cases are attention-seeking, and in some cases, malicious, it is also important to remember that some who exhibit these behaviours may be genuinely in need of professional help. 

HOW TO STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM (Click here)

Be well.

Coach Ziana.

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