Coach Ziana, CBT, CLC

Coach Ziana - CBT Practitioner, Certified by the Academy of Modern Applied Psychology.

The growing addiction to social media and online infidelity has become a global pandemic that continues to spread. According to research from the University of Michigan, an estimated 210 million people worldwide suffer from addiction to social media and the internet. This addiction is destroying relationships and ripping homes apart.

One of the biggest problems is online cheating. That's what this article is about. Here are the stats:

• Roughly 1 in 10 married women report online infidelity.

• 1 in 10 users admit to hiding messages and posts from their partners.

• About 18% of users report catching their partners cheating online.

• About 38% of affairs begin through social media or online messaging, often starting as casual conversations before escalating.

• 14% of social media users admit to "cyber-flirting" with someone other than their partner.

• 53% of people surveyed in one study admitted to hiding social media conversations from their partner.

• 11% of social media users have hidden a "friend" from their partner.

• 8% of adults admit to having secret accounts.

• In 2025 studies of infidelity-related divorce cases, roughly 50% were directly linked to digital affairs / inappropriate online relationships.

What platforms are they using?

• Instagram is the top platform for initiating emotional affairs, appearing in 34% of documented investigation cases.

• Snapchat (19%)

• WhatsApp (16%).

• Facebook. In a survey of 5,000 FB participants, a staggering 47% admitted to infidelity.  

• Nearly two-thirds of Tinder users admitted they were already in relationships – some of them married while they were using the app. Tinder has 75 million active users.

I don't imagine the results would be much different on any of the other apps, chatrooms, etc.

To say that this is a problem would be the understatement of the year, but if we mention this to anyone who is actually doing these things, they would probably vehemently deny that it applies to them.

Here's the kicker:  I hear a lot of this sort of thing reported by people who have followed a hunch that proved itself to be valid. The tables get turned on them by the cheating partner, and the gaslighting begins to deflect blame off of themselves:

“Stop spying on me!"
"Stop checking up on me! "
"You're invading my privacy!"
"You don't trust me!”
"You're making a mountain out of a mole hill!"
"You're too sensitive!"
"You need help! You're imagining things!"

Be Well Therapy Group writes: “"Setting up fake accounts, frequently erasing browser history, commenting on someone else's photos...while it may seem harmless in the moment, leaving a comment on your crush’s photo on Instagram can be interpreted as an act of infidelity. Even a seemingly innocent comment can send the wrong kind of message to your significant other.

https://bewelltherapygroup.org/2021/02/18/how-social-media-has-redefined-the-rules-of-infideliy/

As Social Media platform users become more and more impacted by the negative effects of the 24/7/365 connectivity that these sites provide, more research continues to be conducted this disturbing trend. However, the general consensus seems to boil down to a few common-sense pointers:

1. If your Significant Other would be upset by knowing that you're sending intimate messages to someone else online, that's cheating.

2. If you wouldn't be comfortable knowing that your Significant Other could see all the heart emogies and "likes" you're dropping on someone else's pictures, don't do it. Nothing you do online is invisible. The whole world can see it, including your S.O.

3. If you're married or committed to someone you're supposed to love, and you've been floating around on Social Media platforms trying to give the impression that you could be coaxed into cheating if they just kept nudging you -- that's cheating.

Cheating starts with a "like," that is followed by a "chat," that is followed by more of the same, until you find yourself emotionally intertwined so deeply that you will risk losing your entire family, your reputation, and all that means anything to you, just for a few dopamine buzzes solicited from doctored-up pixels. 

Also, the individual that a partner is cheating with, is not innocent. Not by a long shot. Most of the time they know that the one they are luring into that online cheating scenario is already in a relationship, but they do it anyway. That's another topic for another time, but the upshot of it us that nobody should be crawling right through the middle of someone else's relationship just so they can get some attention, or feed their egos, or whatever the reasoning might be. These are Bottom Feeders.

The person we should be trying to develop meaningful, emotional ties with is the partner we already have. That is the meaning of monogamy. It's no more complicated than that.

If one is so miserable in a relationship that they no longer want to be with that person, the honourable thing would be to end the relationship and THEN go find someone else.  Not the other way around.  It's also demeaning to hang onto someone "just in case" it doesn't work out with the online fling, by feeding them just enough crumbs to keep them hanging in there, but not enough sustenance to know they are genuinely loved.  These are usually the ones who like to create the wide grey areas to play inside of.

"We're just friends." 

People who  create convenient "grey areas" are messing with your mind. There are no grey areas.  Just folks who like to keep you confused and off balance so that they can continue playing these games.

Take care. Trust your instincts. 

Coach Ziana.