CBT PRACTITIONER / LIFE COACH

black and white bed linen

Coach Ziana, CBT

coach-ziana.com
coachziana@gmail.com

Online Cheating Trend

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist & Life Coach. Certified by the Academy of Modern Psychology.

"Faith-based" does not mean that I will impose my religious or spiritual beliefs upon anyone. It means that I will not dismiss the reality that beliefs that are important to many of us, whatever they may be, and that we must honour them even in therapy. I respect all religions with peace and love as their foundations, and encourage tolerance as a basis for a more peaceful world.

Coach Ziana - CBT Practitioner, Certified by the Academy of Modern Applied Psychology.

Let's just grab this one by the throat, pull it out into the open, name it, and shame it. Shall we? 

The growing addiction to social media and online infidelity has become a global pandemic that continues to spread.

Divorces directly attributed to Social Media abuse:

  • In 2000 – 2022 there were 673,989 divorces. Over 96,286 of those divorces were directly related to social media use – in the USA alone.

  • Nearly two-thirds of Tinder users admitted they were already in relationships – some of them married while they were using the app.

  • One in ten adults admits to hiding messages and posts from their significant other.

  • Eight percent of adults in relationships admit to having secret accounts.

  • One in three divorces now start as online affairs.

Key Statistics & Findings:

  • Significant Involvement: Divorce lawyers claim nearly one-third of cases mention social media problems, with 30% of divorces analyzed by Divorce-Online in 2024 citing social media grievances like online affairs or constant use.

  • Historical Data: A 2014 Divorce-Online study found Facebook cited in one-third of UK divorces, with online flirtation being common.

  • Many have discovered their spouses cheating on social media. According to a study by the Loyola University Health System. Facebook, with more than 2 billion users, is cited in one out of every five divorces in the United States.

  • According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 81% of divorce attorneys report increasing numbers of spouses searching for online evidence when there are suspicions of bad behavior, infidelity, or online affairs.

Source:https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm#:~:text=Number%20of%20divorces%3A%20673%2C989%20(45,45%20reporting%20States%20and%20D.C.

Source:https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/lifestyle/many-online-daters-arent-seeking-actual-dates-rcna94163

Source:https://www.mckinleyirvin.com/resources/digital-divorce-a-guide-for-social-media-digital/how-social-media-affects-marriage/

Source:https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/a-better-divorce/202111/marriage-divorce-and-social-media-a-recipe-for-disaster#:~:text=Many%20of%20my%20clients%20have,%2C%20infidelity%2C%20or%20online%20affairs.

Please take a moment to read this article. "My Husband Flirts On Facebook."

To say that this is a problem would be the understatement of the year, but if we mention this to anyone who is actually doing any of these things, they would probably vehemently deny that it applies to them. Is it even necessary to contemplate the notion that some who are participating in these activities will blow their lids and attack their spouses if they get caught? Have any of you been accused of “Spying on me! Checking up on me! You don't trust me!” after catching your significant other doing these things?

Have the tables been turned so that you're made out to be the bad guy because you followed a hunch, and the hunch proved itself to be valid? You're not alone.

Sometimes it comes down to what the definition of flirting is, doesn't it. Let's look at Marriam-Webster's definition:

cheated; cheating; cheats

  1. to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud

cheated the elderly couple out of their property

  1. to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice

a young man who cheated young women into marrying him when he was already married

  1. to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting

cheat death


In today's Social Media climate, that description may need to be somewhat revised...although, they do pretty much cover it under the umbrella of “to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice.”

Be Well Therapy Group writes: “Unlike the physical act of driving over to your lover’s house and having sex, sending messages via social media is an act of unfaithfulness that doesn’t leave the online world. This makes the affair feel as if it isn’t as real as a physical act of betrayal...

Moreover, cheating that only exists online is less likely to be detected by the person’s significant other. A physical affair typically leaves a trail of sensory signals that alert the other person of the illicit event. An affair via social media, on the other hand, is completely absent from the real, physical world. If an unfaithful partner succeeds in keeping their phone and laptop hidden from view, there’s no way for their S.O. to know about their secret relationship... “

They go on to say what qualifies as online cheating.

"Sending intimate photos, Setting up fake accounts, frequently erasing browser history, commenting on someone else's photos," for example: "While it may seem harmless in the moment, leaving a comment on your crush’s photo on Instagram can be interpreted as an act of infidelity. Even a seemingly innocent comment can send the wrong kind of message to your significant other. While there’s nothing wrong with posting a quick “congrats” under a graduation or wedding pic, you should probably think twice about commenting on your ex’s abs in a shirtless shot of him at the beach.”

Read the full article  in the link directly below. It's really informative:

https://bewelltherapygroup.org/2021/02/18/how-social-media-has-redefined-the-rules-of-infideliy/

As Social Media platform users become more and more impacted by the negative effects of the 24/7/365 connectivity that these sites provide, more research continues to be conducted this disturbing trend. However, the general consensus seems to boil down to a few common-sense pointers:

  1. If your Significant Other would be upset by knowing that you're sending intimate private messages to someone else online, don't do it. It's cheating.

  2. If you wouldn't be comfortable knowing that your Significant Other could see all the heart emogies and "likes" you're dropping on someone else's pictures, don't do it. Nothing you do online is invisible. The whole world can see it, including your S.O.

  3. If you're married or committed to someone you're supposed to love, and you've been floating around on Social Media platforms trying to give the impression that you could be coaxed into cheating if they just kept nudging you -- stop doing it. You're already cheating.

Let's wrap this up. Cheating doesn't start in anyone's bedroom. It starts with a "like," that is followed by a "chat," that is followed by more of the same, until you find yourself emotionally intertwined so deeply that you will risk losing your entire family, your reputation, and all that means anything to you, just for the sake of a few dopamine buzzes. The person we should be trying to develop meaningful, emotional ties with is the spouse or partner we already have. That is the meaning of exclusivity. When we promise another individual that we are exclusively theirs, we are crossing the line when we try to nurture non-platonic emotional or physical intimacy with another. It's no more complicated than that. 

People who try to create convenient "grey areas" to play around inside of are messing with your mind. There are no grey areas.  Just folks who like to keep you confused and off balance so that they can continue playing these games. IMO.

I really wish we could all stop hurting one another this way.

Take care.

Coach Ziana. 

Coach Ziana.