Coach Ziana

Don't let them fool you. You are not your fancy car, your modern devices, implants, body type, hair color, designer clothing, or anything else that Social Media pressures you into being. If you could grow into the greatest "you" that you were meant to be, you'd never need to copy anyone else -- ever again. You would be the "influencer," not the "influenced."

• Research shows, people assume that physically attractive individuals must also be intelligent, kind, and all those qualities that we, personally, are drawn to. This is known as "The Halo Effect." Realistically, this just isn't true, if only because what's beautiful to me might be unattractive to someone else.  We all have "types" that we're attracted to, so the whole concept is flawed because it's too subjective. In CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) terms, this could fall into the category of "Cognitive Bias." In any event, the research shows that whatever our version of "beautiful" looks like, we're inclined to credit those who physically appeal to us as being rather saintly. That doesn't surprise me at all. Perhaps that's where the expression, "Love is blind" comes from, but according to the late, great John Lennon, "Love isn't blind, it's deaf."  Well, he would know. lol.

• In online attractions, physical proximity is replaced by psychological proximity. Images take the place of face-to-face encounters. The Halo Effect may be even more pronounced because in the world of Social Media, most users only show the side of themselves that they want us to see, and that's very often filtered images of "perfect people living perfect lives."

• Geographical closeness, or "Proximity" is one of the biggest reasons that romances happen at all. This is known as the "Mere Exposure Effect." What this means is that simply being near someone, repeatedly, can increase our attraction to them.

• Another factor in what draws people together is discovering similarities in beliefs, values, and backgrounds. Why? Well, because such similarities gives each person a sense of validation that what they believe in and place value in is worthy.

• "Reciprocal Liking" is also a key factor in why romantic relationships form. That is, knowing someone likes us generally fuels our attraction to them.

But what keeps people together after the initial bonding? Let's look!

• Socio-economic and cultural backgrounds, along with status and education often determine with whom we are willing to form long-term relationships.

• Once we move past the initial stages of attraction, traits such as kindness, humour and intelligence start to gain weight.

• And then there's this thing called, "The Social Exchange Theory," which sounds a great deal like a business transaction on the surface. This basically means that we seek out relationships that provide maximum rewards for minimal cost. In other words, if one person is bringing more to the table than the other, the imbalance won't sit well with the person giving the most, so there's a good chance the relationship won't last.

• There are umpteen more reasons for people to be drawn to one another, but these are just a few.

Until next time, please be kind to one another.

Coach Ziana.

The Dynamics of Romantic Attraction

Photo Credit: Cottonbro Studios.

"Interpersonal Attraction" - Social Psychology. 

What attracts us to certain people, or certain "types?" Here are a few insights that you may find enlightening:

Make a difference...share your story.

If Social Media Addiction and/or misuse has negatively impacted your life or the lives of those you love, you may be part of the solution by sharing your story. I'm not asking for your real name. In fact, please do not give your real name or the real names of anyone involved, for your own privacy and protection. Just share your story honestly and from the heart by using the form below to contact me. I am sorry for all you've been through, and I thank you for your courage in advance.

Photo courtesy of Lisa Folios

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