Coach Ziana

Don't let them fool you. You are not your fancy car, your modern devices, implants, body type, hair color, designer clothing, or anything else that Social Media pressures you into being. If you could grow into the greatest "you" that you were meant to be, you'd never need to copy anyone else -- ever again. You would be the "influencer," not the "influenced."

Life After Infidelity.

Photo Credit: Cottonbro Studios.

The ramifications of being caught in a mess like this can be mind-numbing. If one can't be trusted in something so intrinsically basic and universally understood as partnership loyalty, what can that person be trusted with?

The dark shadow cast upon one who cheats can hang over one's head for years to come. Homes are broken up, families destroyed, respect among friends and co-workers would be lost, the physical home the couple has built together would have to be divided up. The person cheated on will be traumatized for life, as will any children involved. The whole world could blow up like a bomb struck, leaving only broken people in its wake.

Then comes the question, do you really think you'll get away with it?

Men and women experience the world differently. Do you not realize that when someone loves you deeply, they go right into the relationship wanting to learn everything about you? Especially women. Women are hard-wired to see everything. Not necessarily because we're "spying" on anyone but because we're designed to cook, clean, write a novel, pay the bills, hold down a full-time job, make doctor appointments, and keep an eye on the kids so they don't do something to kill themselves or blow up the house while we're doing all those other things too. Women see EVERYTHING. 

If one of the kids thinks they're getting away with fibbing or hiding something from Mom, they're not. She already knows.

Mom is a Find-out-ologist. She has to be to keep everything running like a clock. She's just letting the kid get away with it, hoping the youngster will realize that he/she is wrong, fess up, and make things right again.  Because she's trying to teach the children integrity and honour.

Those same inborn skills don't stop working when her love is cheating on her, or even when he's creeping down the path toward what could devolve into cheating.  If anything, they sharpen up.  So she already knows. If she hasn't said anything yet, it's because she's hoping you'll man up, stop that shady sh*t, and be the man you promised her you'd be when you agreed to spend your lives together.

Why would you want to lie to and deceive someone you love? If you're okay doing that, then I question that you love them at all. Some will hang onto a wife/partner because they think it's cheaper to keep her.  Or, they'll keep the wife/girlfriend handy in case it doesn't work out with the side-chick. Pal, if you're a guy who thinks like that, in my not-so-humble opinion, she deserves better than you. Go live with the class-less, low-quality woman who thought it would be just fine to cheat with a married man. You'd be doing your wife/partner a favour by leaving her. But maybe that's just me.

I'm not man-bashing here, because I know that women do this sleazy crap too.  I've actually known some who have enjoyed that risky little game until they ended up losing their homes, husbands, and the kids. It's all shitz and giggles till somebody gets caught, right?

Wrapping this up...

Why do one thing and say another? Why hide your actions if you think you're not betraying someone? Why would you want to hurt people that way? 

Given the choice between the two paths, integrity or debauchery, I sincerely hope and pray that the choice would be integrity. I hope that your choice will be to invest in the one at home who loves you, so that you may reap the long-term benefits of an honest life, instead of jumping on the instant-gratification bandwagon of cheating, as so many are tempted to do in this social-media world.

Some think they will never get caught, but those who have been caught can set you straight: It always comes out. Always. Because nothing you ever release into cyber land ever disappears. Whether we know it or not, we leave fingerprints everywhere we go online. Anyone skilled at following those fingerprints can do so without too much of a challenge.

Let's keep love honest, please.  It's the only thing left in this crazy world that can save us.

Until next time.
Coach Zee.

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If Social Media Addiction and/or misuse has negatively impacted your life or the lives of those you love, you may be part of the solution by sharing your story. I'm not asking for your real name. In fact, please do not give your real name or the real names of anyone involved, for your own privacy and protection. Just share your story honestly and from the heart by using the form below to contact me. I am sorry for all you've been through, and I thank you for your courage in advance.

Photo courtesy of Lisa Folios

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