Coach Ziana

You are so much more than you think you are.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist.
Certified Life Coach.
Relationship Cousellor.

coach-ziana.com

A Cautionary Tale...

Don't let them fool you. You are not your fancy car, your modern devices, implants, body type, hair color, designer clothing, or anything else that Social Media pressures you into being. If you could grow into the greatest "you" that you were meant to be, you'd never need to copy anyone else -- ever again. You would be the "influencer," not the "influenced."

Coach Ziana.

Greetings!

I'll begin this one with a rather eerie story. A true story based on my own personal experiences.

When I was much younger I lived with my brother on a large one-acre lot in Port Coquitlam, B.C., Canada. A rather shy, awkward man lived on the other side of the fence at the back of the property. He was a pig farmer. Anytime the wind changed directions the gagging stench of pig sh*t wafted across our property. I used to wander all over our property at all hours of the day and night, helping my brother breed and train high-pedigree German Shepards. I never thought much about the guy living on the other side of the fence. Saw him wandering about now and then, and pretty much ignored him.

Upon his arrest, years later, I was shocked to hear in the news that the shy, awkward pig farmer on the other side of the fence was the notorious serial killer, Robert Pickton. You can read about him here. He murdered at least 26 women, allegedly butchering them to feed them to his pigs.

You never know, do you? You just don't know even who your neighbour really is, sometimes, as was the case with Robert Pickton. Moving on...

Fatal Attraction was a fictional story developed by James Dearden; however, it was inspired by his own personal experiences of having been harassed with unwanted calls, and very uncomfortable encounters resulting from toxic relationships, and other such incidents experienced by a friend who called one of his stalkers a "crazy woman."

Today, Social Media has flung the door wide open for these stalkers and weirdos, and sometimes very dangerous individuals to wriggle their way into our lives. Sometimes we meet them in social circles, in person, and they later connect on a social media platform. The question is, do you really know them?

We all like to put our best foot forward when we meet people in person, and what we see is the version of them that they want to show us, or that we think they want to see. Would you agree with that? We all have different personas with different people, in different situations. If we're the boss at work, we don't show that same person to our buddies, kids, parents, and so on. That's normal.

You need to live with someone for a quite some time until the true, unvarnished version of them begins to emerge -- sometimes a very long time, sometimes sooner. Either way, it takes a while to really get to know what another person is really all about. That's the situation in what I'll call "real life."

Now, with internet connections, particularly in private chat rooms, do you think you're getting to know the "real" person deep inside? Probably not. You're dealing with the version of them that they want you to see, or that they think you want to see, based on how much information you give them.

There are some balding old men who try to develop a deeper connection with young chicks, feeding them the story that the wife or girlfriend doesn't understand them. I suggest you talk to the wife or girlfriend to find out what it is that she doesn't understand before you fall for his game of playing victim. Maybe she doesn't understand why he's messing around on her like he does. That's food for thought.

And maybe that cute little thing he's chatting up in private chats is no more interested in the balding old guy than she is in dating a gorilla...however, if he's got a decent retirement pension, she might be very interested in hooking up with that, once he kicks the bucket.

Please stop being so gullible. What you see isn't always what you get. Sometimes it's only what they want you to see. That's more food for thought.

Here's another true story. I knew this lady whom I shall call Sally. Sally was married to (let's call him Joe) for forty-five years. Until Joe met a young lady in person, but almost completely developed the ongoing relationship in private chatrooms online. They only seldom met in person, but burnt up the wires with all the sexting they were doing behind Sally's back.

One day Joe told Sally he was leaving her for this girl young enough to be his daughter. She was the sweetest little thing he ever knew, he told Sally. Unlike her, who was always miserable. Sally was completely devastated. Utterly heartbroken and destroyed. To her, life as she knew it was over. She watched as Joe and his little girlfriend drove off in his pick up truck, into the sunset together. A few days later Joe's body was found dead on the side of the road. He charming young girlfriend shot him, robbed him, and rode off in his truck. The cops picked her up a few days later, still driving his truck.

Yuh. Look, be careful out there, okay? Please appreciate the people who are in your life, for real. Those who have seen your ugly damned flaws and still love you. Those who would walk through fire for you. No, they'll never be perfect, but they're the ones who are loyal to you when your back is turned. They will call you on your bullshit, but they'll also fight for you to their last breath, and they'll tow the line with you to try to help you reach your goals in life.

Hold onto THOSE ones. Because they're worth it. Nothing else is. You just do not know what you're getting into when it comes to these so called "relationships" that almost fully develop in private chatrooms. I'm not suggesting that you live in a state of paranoia. I'm asking that you please don't invite trouble where it isn't necessary to do so. That's all.

It's a freaking jungle out there.

Coach Ziana.

Certifications:

CBT Practitioner
Relationship Counsellor
Life Coach
Social Psychology
Advanced Psychology
Advanced Neuroscience of Normal and Abnormal Human Behaviour
Neuroplasticity

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Photo Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

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