Coach Ziana, Cognitive Behavioral Therapist...coach-ziana.com.

Coach Ziana

You are so much more than you think you are.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist.
Certified Life Coach.
Relationship Cousellor.

coach-ziana.com

Know When To Quit

Don't let them fool you. You are not your fancy car, your modern devices, implants, body type, hair color, designer clothing, or anything else that Social Media pressures you into being. If you could grow into the greatest "you" that you were meant to be, you'd never need to copy anyone else -- ever again. You would be the "influencer," not the "influenced."

Coach Ziana.

Certifications:

CBT Practitioner
Relationship Counsellor
Life Coach
Social Psychology
Advanced Psychology
Advanced Neuroscience of Normal and Abnormal Human Behaviour
Neuroplasticity

Know When To Quit

I used to be of the opinion that it took two to make a relationship work and two to break it, but the older I get the more I realize that I should adjust my thoughts. I've received a number of emails from people who swear that they did their utmost to make things work, to build a relationship on trust, transparency, and monogamy.

They explained that in time they came to the very depressing realization that they had been over-extending themselves for years, bending over backwards to be the perfect partner, but they were in relationships that ultimately failed due to secretive internet philandering. There are some who don't intend to have actual “physical affairs,” but they continued to invite attention from people outside their marriages by what they called, “harmless flirting,” or exchanging ongoing flirty private messages through various apps that they wouldn't want their spouses to know about.

Secrets KILL relationships, and the truth always surfaces, one way or another. There are as many ways to catch cheaters as there are ways for cheaters to cheat. And by the way, there is no such thing as “harmless flirting.” Grow up.

People -- you who have been cheated on (whether it's emotional or physical infidelity – both are devastating and destroy people's hearts, souls, minds, and indeed, their entire lives!) I need you to know that the failure is not you or anything you did or didn't do. Please read that again.

Mature adults isolate and fix marital/ relationship problems. They DO NOT go sniffing out attention from someone else to feed their egos, or listen to their sob stories, or get their 'feel-goods' when things are not going well at home.

Mature individuals stay focused and keep doing the work with their chosen life-mates, rather than reaching out to someone else to sell their bullshit to. That's the plain truth, right there.

One lady who wrote to me said, “I'm getting so used to men being liars and cheaters that when another relationship ends on account of him needing other women's attention online, I'm just here thinking, Oh, that again. It doesn't even surprise me anymore. They'll zoom their focus on any look-at-me ho on the internet who catches their eye -- and most of those women are in relationships or married. Like they think we don't know they're hooking up in private chats to mess around behind your back. I'm kind of numb from all the BS floating around on the internet."

Here's another truth: There is a character deficit inside of some folks that keeps them needing the attention from others to fulfill something lacking inside their own selves. You cannot fix this defect. Only they can do that, themselves. They need help, not another woman/man to fill a void. They need professional counseling.

So, having written all of that, and read a number of emails on this topic, I've arrived at this place: It takes two to make a relationship work but sometimes it only takes one to destroy it. I'm really big on just never giving up on things, but you know what? Sometimes, what we need to do is stop bailing water to keep the ship from sinking.

Sometimes it's a good idea to just let the damn thing sink, grab a life-raft, and float off on your own to build a new life with someone who doesn't have that philandering game built into their mindset. Someone who possesses the intellectual and emotional maturity required to uphold a relationship that is built on integrity, respect, trust, truth, love, and above all, the desire to do the work to make that relationship last; someone who really means it when they swear to forsake all others to build a beautiful, committed life with you. Maybe you'll find that in 2026. I pray that you do.

Personally, I think the best thing that could happen for relationships all across the globe would be if all social media apps crashed for a few months so that we can be reminded of the difference between reality and fantasy.

Until next time, hang in there. Keep sending me your stories. Sometimes it helps just to know you're not the only one going through this sort of thing.

Coach Ziana.

Contact Coach Ziana:

Photo Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

Make a difference...share your story.

If Social Media Addiction and/or misuse has negatively impacted your life or the lives of those you love, you may be part of the solution by sharing your story. I'm not asking for your real name. In fact, please do not give your real name or the real names of anyone involved, for your own privacy and protection. Just share your story honestly and from the heart by using the form below to contact me. I am sorry for all you've been through, and I thank you for your courage in advance.