Coach Ziana, Cognitive Behavioral Therapist...coach-ziana.com.

Coach Ziana

You are so much more than you think you are.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist.
Certified Life Coach.
Relationship Cousellor.

coach-ziana.com

The New Fantasy Island

Don't let them fool you. You are not your fancy car, your modern devices, implants, body type, hair color, designer clothing, or anything else that Social Media pressures you into being. If you could grow into the greatest "you" that you were meant to be, you'd never need to copy anyone else -- ever again. You would be the "influencer," not the "influenced."

Coach Ziana.

Certifications:

CBT Practitioner
Relationship Counsellor
Life Coach
Social Psychology
Advanced Psychology
Advanced Neuroscience of Normal and Abnormal Human Behaviour
Neuroplasticity

Fantasy Vs. Reality.

We are living in challenging times, that is for sure. People who would not normally be jealous, insecure, or watchful by nature find that these traits are becoming part of their personalities. It's not that people want this. Nobody wants to spend their whole days looking over their freaking shoulders in case there's a Ninja Texter hitting on your significant other. Most people are trying their level best to survive in a world where Fantasy is overtaking reality.

Why do I say that? Well, let's look at all of these Social Media platforms. Yes, I harping about THAT again. And I won't stop harping about that until I see changes because, well shit, somebody has to do it. It might as well be me.

So, let's go then.

Did you know that there are currently approximately 5.6 billion social media users globally. That's two-thirds of the world's population. Studies show that 20 – 25% of these users cheat online.

What that means is, 1,120,000,000 – 1,400,000,000 individuals use social media platforms and dating apps to cheat on their partners, online. (That's billions, not millions.)

Hello.

Social media is like a virtual Fantasy Island, where users doctor up their pictures so they can look how they would rather look instead of how they actually look. It's a place where users create personas and images that are far removed from reality, a place where everyone gets to be a star, showing off for all their followers or admirers.

In this distorted sub-reality there's an unlimited supply of attention-hungry users whose egos we can feed by love- bombing their photo-shopped photos and status updates, which too often leads to inappropriate private messaging behind the scenes. It seems as if anything goes in this virtual wonderland.

It's a place where married or committed men and women allow themselves to forget their monogamy promises to their partners, and party it up like they're still single.

If their real-life partners seem to be getting too close to finding out what they're up to behind the scenes...hey, no worries! They can move it over to another Social Media platform to pick up where they left off, or go to any of the other private chat apps available. There are as many rat holes to crawl into as there are rats, and new ones are being created every day to support this free-for-all nonsense.

This distorted version of reality does not go away when we close the app and set down our phones. It bleeds into our real lives, destroying relationships.

It tears them apart because it never really goes away.

Phones blip or ping. Notifications interrupt what should be personal, private time with your partner—twenty-four hours a day! 365 days a year. These days, it is not uncommon to be sitting in the very same room with one's life-mate, looking right at them, speaking to them, while they pick up their phones, do a little more flirting/cheating, and then put down the phone as if it didn't happen.

And then the gaslighting begins.

Some Social Media users who cheat tell their life partners that they not actually seeing what they know they are seeing online. Accusing them of being too sensitive. Of over-reacting. Making a mountain out of a mole-hill. And the very convenient, , “We're just friends.”

You try selling that bullshit to anyone who's been down that path before. In my business, that's the line I hear the most from betrayed men and woman who have been gaslit with that line, “We're just friends.”

Gaslighting is emotional abuse, by the way. It causes the victim to eventually stop trusting their own judgement, to question their own mental stability, to become confused, afraid and paranoid. But that is what gaslighters want. They create these big grey areas and keep them nice and messy and confusing so they can continue deflecting objections to their very unethical, objectionable behavior.

There is no grey area. There are only plenty of users who compartmentalize, split hairs, and use any means possible to keep their partners in a constant state of flux so as to avoid being held accountable for their actions.

That is what is killing relationships and obliterating the meaning of the word, “monogamy.” Monogamy is as little understood these days as cursive writing is to today's youth, or mental math. Monogamy means one-on-one, not one-on-many. We're all going brain-dead.

THINK ABOUT THIS: 81% of divorce attorneys report increasing numbers of spouses searching for online evidence when there are suspicions of bad behavior, infidelity, or online affairs. That number is way too high to ignore.

We, as a society, really need to wake up. Fantasy is overtaking reality.

Some are okay with that, I guess. Personally, I would rather hang onto what is real and spend meaningful time speaking to my Significant Other than cheating behind his back on some damned app.

I dunno, man. Maybe it's just me. Some days I feel as if the whole world is going for a shit.

No apologies for my language.

Coach Ziana.

Contact Coach Ziana:

Photo Credit: Tima Miroshnichenko

Make a difference...share your story.

If Social Media Addiction and/or misuse has negatively impacted your life or the lives of those you love, you may be part of the solution by sharing your story. I'm not asking for your real name. In fact, please do not give your real name or the real names of anyone involved, for your own privacy and protection. Just share your story honestly and from the heart by using the form below to contact me. I am sorry for all you've been through, and I thank you for your courage in advance.